planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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