Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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