swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
