my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
