Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't turn off my feet"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
