Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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