as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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