I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
