apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
