Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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