Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
