oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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