My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no you cant smoke seaweed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
