Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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