I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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