you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
its liver damage thursday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
