theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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