god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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