Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
