Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm always down for nudity.
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