I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
