The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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