I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
