you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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