Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
