So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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