i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
