He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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