i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My vagina is officially offended.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
