yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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