i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
