Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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