Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
