I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
