I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
