he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
