Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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