Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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