trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do vagina's smell?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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