this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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