Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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