I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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