I accidentally had phone sex last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
