No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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