Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
