It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
