You smell like stripper and shame
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
