So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
