Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
