Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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