then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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