As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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