There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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