Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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