Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
