Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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