It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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