apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
