note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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