Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
