he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
