1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
