she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
