Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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