i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
