I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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