Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
