You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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