16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
