I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
