First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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