so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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