its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
