I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
